yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
