I'm going to jail i love you
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The air was thick with penises
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
