I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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