feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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