one might say we're banned from that church
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
