white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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