i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
