toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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