I just made out with a guy for $7.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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