well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
