how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
