So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
