so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
