She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
