My hair reeks of homosexuality.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
