You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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