Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
