tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
