I am in a vortex of obligation.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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