the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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