Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
