Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
