he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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