I smell stomach acid.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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