if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
