He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
