I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
