i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
