They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
