Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
