ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
