Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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