you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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