I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You're like the curious george of whores
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
