Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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