Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
