So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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