Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Randomize
