I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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