We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize