I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
