i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
