woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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