i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
