i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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