I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
