I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think people are normalizing furries
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
