is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
