what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
