i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
