I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
