You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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