remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
