What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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