Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
