Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
