No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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