he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
