i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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