what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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