Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's official drugs can't kill me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
