im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
