turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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