Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
