he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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