I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
