dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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