you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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